The Joke Thread

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7 nov 2009 in which for the
3rd time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want
you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to pay as
soon as possible.

However I would like to bring to your attention that you are not my only
creditor. I have many more creditors, quite as honourable and important
as you, and whom I wish to pay too. That is why, each month, I throw all
the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly. The one
drawn is paid immediately.

I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Sincerely Yours,
Sipho

PS: I regret to inform you that, given the harsh and threatening tone of
your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.

 

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

 

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a
whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and
forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls
"And get me another whisky you idiot".

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you
twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the
emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and
says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

 

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the
seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello love, how's about us
going for a walk together."

"How dare you," said the woman,"I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"

"Well then," said the beggar, "what are you doing in my bed?"

 

LOL! @TomK - Brilliant!

 

Ja.. Well.. No fine!


​

 

Heaven forbids he develops a sneeze or a cough or choke...

 

Manne, Is jou vrou op een dag :

borrelend gelukkig?
:bigsmile:

beneuk?
:evil:

bekommerd?
:unsure:
Stout?
:love:

die onskuld vanself?
:sick:

jammer vir haarself?
:wacko:

moeg en uitgeput?
:sleep:

huilerig?
:sad2:

totaal depressief?
:sad2:

Skuins bef@#?
:wacko:

Mooi............
DAN HET JY 'N REGTE VROU GEKRY & SY IS HEELTEMAL NORMAAL....
As jou vrou nie so is nie, is ek jammer om jou mee te deel:
Dan is jy met 'n MAN getroud.

 

Is this our Leaders?

Our country is clearly in excellent hands!


KwaZulu-Natal MEC for co-operative governance and traditional affairs, Nomsa Dube, called on the national department of science and technology to investigate the causes of lightning after seven people died in lightning strikes.

"We will do an investigation and talk to the department of science and technology on what is the cause of the lightning, and if it only happened to the previously disadvantaged as I have never seen any white people being struck by lightning" said Dube. She was visiting Mpumazi in Eshowe where seven people from two families died after being struck by lightning on Sunday. "Scientists from the department could perhaps help us and come up with instruments that could help community members to keep lightning away. The department has dealt with floods and fires, but lightning is new to us," said Dube.

 

Although this is really funny, it is unfortunately very true, she really did say that!


Sent from my iPhone using 100% recycled words!

 

I laughed so hard that I started to cry...

 

Oh my word!! ROTFLOL!!! That is ludicrous!

 

LOL! Reminds me of Julius Malema during the whole Caster athletics dabacle. When he said on the news. People must leave Caster alone, he is a woman

 

Hey guys, give the poor politicians a break... They're like cordless mini-vacuum cleaners... If they don't recharge their batteries, they can't suck!

 

Overheard yesterday.

What is the difference between our Defense Force and a Circus?

Well, to start off with, the Defense Force have a lot more tents. But at the Circus, it is not the clowns that run the place...

 

Eish!!

​

 

A woman walks into Harrods.
She looks around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet.
She walks over to inspect it and as she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person was nowhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a good looking salesman, standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the woman with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?â€

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, “what is the price of this lovely bracelet?â€
He answers...
"Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're really going to crap yourself when I tell you the price!"

 

LOL, This really happend in Bethlehem a few years ago. A old lady bent over in a carpet shop, same happend.
She took the guy to court... for a fart.

 

Rule of the road:


In Australia and India, you drive on the left of the road. The biggest part of the world you drive on the right of the road.

In Southern Africa, you drive on what is left of the road.