The Joke Thread

@ACE007 - That's not a joke. That's the truth!! :ridinghorse:

 

The BIS network failed when Chuck Norris sent an SMS on his Blackberry

 

rip!!!

 

And Apple is now celebrating. Finally, Blackberry phones have dropped in performance to match the Apple. They have a chance now...

 

New Dictionary Entry

black·ber·ry /ˈblakˌberē/ verb: to fail or disappoint or not work as expected (blackberried, blackberrying)

 

What are you Doing?

 

What did the one Blackberry user say to the other one?........NOTHING

 

All we need is for IPhones to start playing up and we would have had the dream headline that would have made anyone's mouth water:

Apple and Blackberry Crumble

 

I buy a iPad and Steve Jacobs dies
I buy a Blackberry and BBM Dies
Does Malema sell anything you guys???

 

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

 

LOL! Brilliant!

 

Heheh yea just had to share that one, its my fav so far for the year

 

And for those of you who haven't seen it yet:
Do a google search in chrome or a new FF for:
do a barrel roll - then press enter.

 

Courtesy of Sasha Martaningo (sp??)

Let me tell you a story. The story involves a fly, a fish, a bear, a hunter, a mouse and a cat...

One day on the edge of a river bank, a fly is sitting on a branch 3 inches away from the water's edge. The sun was beating down hard this fine day, and the fly was starting to feel rather hot. The fly thought to himself:
"If I move down 3 inches towards the water, I will feel the cool water lapping against my feet and I will cool down."

A fish swimming nearby though to himself:
"If that fly came down just 3 inches, I could grab him and eat him up."

A bear laying the in grass nearby thought to himself:
"If that fly went down just 3 inches, the fish would grab him, and I would be able to grab the fish and eat him up."

A hunter sitting a few meters away was eating his cheese sandwich and thought to himself:
"If that fly went down 3 inches, the fish would grab him, the bear would come out of hiding to grab the fish, and i could shoot the bear and have a proper meal tonight."

A mouse scampering past the hunter hoping for a morsel of cheese thought to himself:
"If that fly went down 3 inches, the fish would grab him, the bear would come out of hiding to grab the fish, the hunter would drop his sandwich to shoot the bear, and I could eat his cheese."

And finally, a cat sitting in a branch watching this whole ordeal pan out in front of her thought to herself:
"If that fly went down just 3 inches, the fish would grab him, the bear would come out of hiding to grab the fish, the hunter would drop his lunch to shoot the bear, the mouse would be distracted with the cheese, and I could catch the mouse."


SUDDENLY:

The fly moved down 3 inches, the fish grabbed the fly to eat him, the bear came out of hiding to grab the fish, the hunter dropped his sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse grabbed the cheese and the cat launched herself at the mouse. The mouse was cunning though, having been aware of the cat for most of the day, he ducked as the cat launched herself, so she missed the mouse and fell into the water and drowned.

BUT WAIT:

There is a MORAL to this story:

EVERY TIME A FLY MOVES DOWN JUST A MERE 3 INCHES, THERES A PU$$Y NEARBY THAT'S GOING TO GET INTO TROUBLE!

 

that blackberry pic is awesome!!

 

Sorry, this one only make sense in Afrikaans.
Die ou is gedrink, kort getroud, maar begin weer rondkyk. Hy sien toe 'n prossie.
Hy het nie geld nie, maar vra haar vir 'n knippie inruil vir sy trouring.
Die volgende oggend is hy babbies, toe sy vrou vir hom vra waar sy trouring is.
Hy weet dat sy hom elke keer uitvang as hy lieg en antwoord dus as volg:
"Ek het hom weggesteek!"

 

Two aliens are sitting in a bar, one turns to the other and says "Beep.. Bip.. Baap.. Bidi.. Bidi.. Bidi.. Brrrrrr.. Baaaa.. Bip.. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The other alien stares at him with a blank look on his face and says "Shut up Bob... You are drunk!"

 

......

 

One more because it is a long weekend ahead - planning on putting this on my wall!